Belief

         So today I woke up with a renewed sense of strength. We've been having these amazing lessons at my Sunday School at church and our teacher said a few weeks you need to wake up and just say "Today may be the day Lord." So today I got up and I said those words. These past few weeks have really sucked! I can't deny it, I have been the worst Grinch there is. All because I was letting doubt cloud my heart and my mind. I had issues going on with my children and I was getting advice and opinion from everyone about what I need to do. But when it all boils down, it is my decision in the end. And on top of that I had 6 seizures in one day. I haven't had a seizures in months and these just came out of nowhere. Being epileptic is not easy, but if you are strong in your faith in God you can live with it and not let it control your life. But when you have people walking on eggshells around you and treating you as if you incompetent and can't do things on your own, it can get a lil testy. That's when things get bad and you just want to scream your lungs out. With all that going on, I fell into a depression and I took it out on everyone else in my life instead of dealing with the issue head on. I ended up hurting my mother's feelings so bad that I didn't know if she was going to talk to me again. But she did and for that I am grateful. 

So over this past weekend I was a grouch and meanie! But I rose up on Sunday morning and went to Sunday School and church service. All I can say is that brought me around and showed me that I was going about this ALL WRONG! For on, in class we were talking about challenges and circumstances that we feel we have no control over. These things that make us doubt our belief in what God has promised us. In Genesis God promised Abram that he would be the father of many nations, he asked him to leave his family and everything else behind. So he did. When he asked him to sacrifice his son Issac, he took everything he needed and they climbed the mountain and in the end God saw that Abram believed in Him and knew that God would provide the sacrifice. He believed in God's Word. Many times I have prayed over thing and said I was going to let it go, but yet and still I kept worrying about it. But Sunday I learned that I have to declare His word, pray about it, and then occupy myself with other things so I won't take up my time concentrating on the challenge. SO, I decided that's what I am going to do. I can't let what's going on in my life take over my life. If I spend all my time worrying about this mess I am going to end a bitter old spinster with 100 cats and no friends. No offense, but the thought of that smell scares me!! So for the next 20 days, my life is going to be different so that when I wake up on January 1, 2013 I will be a new person ready to start living her life in my amazing new year! Whatcha think about that!?